ramblings of a dreamer...

I sit here in this chair, and I realize I just go through the motions with everything without actually living out what i think and know and feel. For the last few months I know that I've simply not been here. Everythings shut down for me, my emotions, former mentality, mature spirituality, and even my physical self. I'm not only not doing wht I should, I'm not even doing what I want...Mostly because I dont even know what that is.

As cliche and trite as it sounds... i really need to "find myself". But i dont want to waste so much time doing it. I don't know what's happening. I know what I want to do withy my career life, that's not the problem. But my morals, friends, and everything else that once stood firm are rapidly changing and caught up in a jumble of utter confusion.

So, i guess i just need to finally just CHANGE. before i end up crashing from this spiraling downfall.

I'm on the right track...
admittance is the first step, right?

i'm definately extremely tired, not to mention i contain massive amounts of laziness...

instead of blubbering about random things no one cares about i'll just place a poem and picture i drew in here and call it a night.

The Fields of Glory

The smile’s upon my face, as well as the scent of your embrace

we are happily together, nothing ever separating us

we run through these fields

happier than ever before

We lay quietly, in these beautiful fields of glory

with only the sound of our deep breaths

I think that this is the best day,

that i have ever had...

i think that this place

is the best place that i’ve ever been to...

we lay quietly, in these beautiful fields of glory

with only the sound of our deep breaths

A relaxing remedy, these enchanting fields bring...

then i wake from my dream...

slightly confusing, as i open my eyes

for these fields, they still remain, and in them i lie

but instead of your warm embrace, i am entirely alone

in this deceiving field of glory...

I'm not sure why i'm attracted to this man.

It's not only a mere attraction, but much more a strong yearning for him. By all means, it makes no sense at all. He doesn't at all fit into the "type" i have created for myself. He's good looking, but not handsome enough to sway one from all what one previously believed in.

He fits too many characteristics of a bad guy. I have often said that i don't like bad guys, i'm more of a good guy kindof girl...but I just don't know what it is about this man.

I was concentrating on my work, and i felt a stare casted on me, so naturally i looked over to where i sensed it was from. And sure enough, his eyes were locked in mine. Those peircing, grey-ish blue eyes penetrated through my facades of togetherness. I was lost in those eyes for what seemed like an eternity, I traveled through the wonders of his eyes, searching for meaning...but only finding a sincere, deep, and endless blue.

ah, here goes it then. I suppose i will start posting here.

Now Reading: Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason by Helen Feilding
Now Playing: "Somewhere only we know" by Keane
Now Thinking: I'm really hungry!

Well, I guess I'll post what I do best--writing poetry.

Out of Reach

My gaze says enough

The spark is inevitable

You’re everything I see

You’re all I want

You’re more than enough

Tonight I’m reaching out to you

Who knew my words would be so few

I grab feigned existence

But you’re right here

You’re right here

Simply unreachable

Secretly untouchable

Sadly unattainable

You’re just out of reach

So close to love endlessly

So near to love tremendously

You are the only one I see

You are the only one, to me.